Second Glance

I just returned from Omaha where I did some recording at my friend Kyle Knapp's studio. I'm working on a second project, likely to be titled, "Take a Second Look." I'm very excited about it.

In the meantime, I thought it was ironic to return home to headline news about the man who was trapped for 23 years in his body, misdiagnosed as being in a coma. The importance of "taking a second look" would be an understatement in his case.

"I want to read, talk with my friends via the computer and enjoy my life now that people know I am not dead." Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1230092/Rom-Houben-Patient-trapped-23-year-coma-conscious-along.html#ixzz0XogQzCNi

Imagine what it would be if we made more of an effort in the world of long term care to not write people off at first glance as "not all there."

Not Dead Yet
You might think I'm a crippled old fool
I'm a target for your ridicule
You think I'm good for nothing but to slobber and drool
But I'm not dead yet.

You might think that I'm dumb and dull
That my cup's half empty and my glass half full
You think my learning curve has reached a lull
But I'm not dead yet

You see, I still have dreams
I have a love for life
I've got my curiosity
I'm tryin' to swim upstream
So don't give up on me

You might think that it's all downhill
If I can't survive without a pill
You think I don't feel good and I've lost the thrill
But I'm not dead yet

You might think I'd be satisfied
If this old body just up and died
You don't understand how I could say with pride
That I'm not dead yet

(from the album, "The Person in the Picture Ain't Me" by Kareen King)

What?

This afternoon I took my daughter Kat to the local medical clinic to check into her recent activity-induced asthma episodes she experienced during her first week of basketball practice. While sitting in the waiting room for a VERY long time, we took turns looking through the newspaper and looking for words and phrases that stood out to us. One advertisement caught my attention immediately. Of course, I thought about its implications for the nursing home setting.

It also reminded me of an experience I had with Kat back in 2006. Here's my account:

Kathryn, along with her sisters and me, attended a Mother/Daughter retreat put on by Youthfront near K.C. Part of experience was a designated one-on-one time to share questionnaires with one another. I spent about one hour with each daughter, beginning with Joanna and ending with Kathryn. One of the questions was, “What words would you like to hear from your mother?”

When I approached each daughter about that subject, I assumed correctly that they would feel comfortable with the fact that I frequently tell them that I love them and am proud of them. I also am the first to admit that I’m not always as attentive as I need to be. Joanna and Rachel agreed. When it came to Kathryn’s turn I asked her, “Are there any words you’d like to hear from me?”

“What,” she responded.

I repeated the question.

“What,” she reiterated.

It suddenly occurred to me that “what” is the word that she wanted to hear more often because of the many times Kathryn will call out my name and I won’t respond because I’m not paying attention. It’s on these occasions that both she and Joanna will finally resort to calling me by my first name before I realize they’re trying to get my attention.

Something to think about . . .

Note: By the way, for the record, the above advertisement is all about Cheeburger, Cheeburger. That's right - no misspelling. Curious to know more? Click http://www.cheeburger.com/home2/index.asp

Snowball Fight 2009 and the Ageless Spirit of Play

I just received the same "playful" forward from a couple of former coworkers in long-term care. It contained a Shel Silverstein poem, which I assume, was supposed to be reminiscent of some of the typical scenarios related to incontinence issues. It goes as follows:

Snowball

I made myself a snowball
As perfect as could be.
I thought I'd keep it as a pet
And let it sleep with me.
I made it some pajamas
And a pillow for its head.
Then last night it ran away,
But first it wet the bed.
-- Shel Silverstein

Here's the deal with the forward, however. The intention of the forward was to use this poem as a metaphor to start an e-mail "snowball fight," officially titled, "Snowball Fight 2009." The instructions are as follows:
"You can NOT hit someone who has already hit you! Now... go out there and get as many people as you can, before they get you! I got you first! and you can't get me back!"

O.k., so I'm not that into forwards. However, I appreciated that two people thought of me. So, rather than me forwarding the e-mail to others, I thought I'd rather just validate its worth right here in this blog.

The forward concluded with the following quote I thought was worth noting:

“We do not stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing!” - Benjamin Franklin

Protesting Lone Activity Professional Roles

My "Pa" just sent me a link to a recent article about stressful jobs that pay badly. One of the featured jobs was an Assisted Living Director, a job involving a median salary of $43,000 of which 67% report it as stressful. The article can be viewed by clicking
http://money.cnn.com/galleries/2009/pf/0910/gallery.stressful_jobs/index.html.

I must chime in at this point and speak up for Activity Professionals whose average salaries are much below the radar screen of the salaries featured in the above article. The stress that comes with having to meet the various and numerous needs of frail elders, combined with the lack of support that often accompanies the job can be overwhelming at best.

I did my own personal survey of Activity Professionals a few conferences ago and found that most of them make about $12.00 an hour. Though most stay because of their love for elders, it can often be a thankless and endless task. Many burn out eventually.

My motto is, "It's not good for an Activity Professional to be alone." If anybody's listening out there, join my campaign toward supporting those who seek to improve the activity life of elders in long term care communities. It's a big job that requires more than just one "somebody." It takes a village (thanks, Hillary).

P.S. While I'm spouting, it just occurred to me that a perfect outlet for a volunteer seeking a place to help out, would be to go to your local nursing home or retirement community, and simply ask to make an appointment with the activity director to see where you can best be of service. Volunteer to hang out for a day a week, a half day a week, or even a couple hours a week. One need in particular, would be to serve as a "host" to the elders while they're being assembled for a group activity. Too often activity professionals have to not only plan and deliver an activity, but get the residents to the activity as well, leaving some residents unattended for periods of time. I cannot emphasize enough how helpful that would be.

No special skills needed. Just your presence.

Behind the 8 Ball

I did a nursing home gig the other day and am always intrigued by the great one-liners elders come up with. One of the residents noticed I had mentioned the ages of my five children, the oldest boy being 24.

"Is your oldest son married?" he asked.

"No, not yet. He's enjoying the freedom of being single," I replied.

"That's good. All those 18 and 19-year-old's getting married - that's putting yourself behind the eight ball."

Happy

Just returned from seeing my daughters, Rachel and Kathryn, perform in the play, "Til Death Do Us Part" tonight. While heading out of the high school, Rachel reminded me to take a peek at her self portrait that was on display near the front office.

I have a much better picture, pun intended, as to why she'd like to major in art when she goes to college next year. The title of her portrait is, "Happy."

Dan Kahler - A Word is (Not) Dead

I met a delightful 83-year-old gentleman last evening in Atchison, KS. His name is Dan Kahler, the "speaking mentor" to Mary Sharp and Rachel Kail of the dementia care specialists, The Edcon Group. Affectionately known as DK, Rachel also refers to him as her surrogate grandfather. This intergenerational group is the epitome of excellence in education and warmth in sociability. I had the privilege of sitting in on the last leg of their Sunflower Tour and seeing how they interact with and individualize their training for those who are navigating their way through the murky waters of caring for a loved one with dementia.

It was ironic that their presentation included a picture of Dan as a little boy, standing next to tall Amelia Earhart whose birthplace was the very town in which the training took place. It took only seconds to realize that Dan is a Ulyssean octogenarian, a retired principal whose dad coached Amelia Earhart's stepson. Dan also happened to be the caregiver for his wife who was stricken with Alzheimer's for the last several years of their marriage.

"59 of my first 79 years we were in love," he said of his wife. "She passed to paradise."

"I like alliteration," he added.

You'll get a taste of Dan's theatrical side as he quotes Emily Dickinson in iambic pentameter (hint - see Shakespeare) in this little video clip he gave me permission to post.



A WORD is dead

When it is said,

Some say.

I say it just

Begins to live

That day

- Emily Dickinson